Everything went better than expected.

I enjoyed myself, managed to talk to people and get on with them quite well. This cohort seems quite lovely. :) Bring on tomorrow.

I'm nervous.

I'm actually annoyed that I have to do my third year again.

Because everyone will be excited and going 'omg third years now'


while I'll just be sitting there like:



Tru facts.

But no, I'm lucky I've been given the opportunity to finish my course. :) Just a shame it's my last chance :O

Personality test

you are a thinker

Your cautiousness, appreciation of functionality, and imagination combine to make you a THINKER.

You have a vivid capacity for imagery that allows you to see beyond your present circumstances.

You like to be sure of yourself before voicing your opinion.

A lot of your time is spent at home, or with the people you care about.

Although you may dream often, you're very aware of how things work, and you value things that work well.

You take comfort in the familiar, and value predictability—and others value those things in you.

Accordingly, you prefer a set routine, and although you often imagine how things can be different, you're hesitant to take risks to change things.

Sometimes you doubt whether you have the ability to face certain challenges, but your practical focus helps you solve most problems.

Because of this, you tend to be more reactive than proactive, thinking thoroughly about the challenges that you face.

You have a broad-based, theoretical understanding of the world that allows you to understand its workings.

You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You much prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute. Your decisions are well thought out, and you're not the least bit impulsive.

you are considerate

You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.

You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.

You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.

Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.

Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.

Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.

You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.

Your close friends know you as a good listener.

http://www.personaldna.com/

I need to exercise and lose all this weight I've put on.

But can I be bothered? Nah.

It irks me when people say

..."lolz, I've got OCD" when they seriously haven't.

So okay, I sometimes make light of my 'OCD' (some say I have it, others say I haven't) but I feel entitled to because I legitimately have it. But people who say they do when it's something that practically everyone does/doesn't cause constant thoughts and destructive behaviours such as "ololololol I have to change my socks once a day, text it <33 ~~" are just idiots. Just:

 

Fuck it, I'm going to make it.

I. Am. Going. To. Succeed.

Listening to "As Above, So Below (Justice remix)" by the Klaxons

...and I feel positive. I was worrying about going back to uni and how everyone seems to have already graduated and/or moved on with their lives while I'm stuck in a rut, but wait a minute. Even though it will take an additional two years for me to eventually pass this course than the standard 3 years, why should I feel sad? It just means I'm getting more education, thus I'll hopefully be a better nurse.

I filled in an Advance Directive

(it kinda looks like this)

It was alright. Just asked me what kinda treatment I wanted/didn't want and so on. And I photocopied myself a copy on orange paper. Just to jazz it up a little.

In other news, I'm due back at university next week. Kind of excited. But at the same time I feel as though I'm not quite ready. As if...I'm hesitant. I'm not going to be going back to classes full on as I've already (thankfully) passed two modules. But I'm still...I dunno, I really can't express it into words.

Maybe it's just nerves and laziness because I'm so used to being at home, doing nothing strenuous. Who knows.

The grass is always greener

It's Sunday night and I have no last-minute homework to get going with. No packing my bag for the next morning. No sorting out what I'm going to wear. It feels so weird.

Not that I miss having homework, goodness no. But the feeling of having something to do, something to look forward to, that what I'm missing.

Hopefully that will be sorted out by the end of the month. I'm due to restart university from the 26th of this month. It's my last chance. As I'm doing nursing, I have to abide by NMC standards. And they state an individual has to finish their nursing course within 5 years of starting it. I started in 2007, so I have to finish by this time next year. I hope I can make it.

I'm just getting paranoid and anxious that something will happen that will prevent my from finishing. Like I'll be involved in a car accident, or I'll somehow be disabled or something desperately tragic will happen in my life between now and next year. I'm certainly over-thinking things; my pessimism has decided to join my anxious mind.

I got a week's supply of meds from EIS. Anyway...

---

I just watched a programme called 'I Used To Be Fat' and the girl (Daria) moved schools. She was popular, used to dance etc then when she moved she used food as a comforter. Anyway they showed a clip of her approaching two girls and starting a conversation with them and then asking if they wanted to go for a coffee. This made me feel both insanely jealous and envious.

I wish I had the confidence to do such a thing. Life is short, but to forgo one's anxieties and negative self-fulfilling prophecies is hard. I'd love to go to uni and easily make friends with my fellow colleagues and just do something as seemingly innocuous as going for a drink.

A girl can dream.

Facing nearly a week without medication

So this is fun.

The whole GP/meds thing wasn't sorted yesterday. My mum went to the GP on my behalf and they just prescribed the 5mg of abilify saying that's the most important medication. Not to me it's not. The most important medication for me is the sertraline. I'm not taking anything unless I get my 150mg sertraline.

I'm seeing my CC on Tuesday so hopefully...hopefully things will get sorted out.

---

It's a busy week next week - seeing my CC on Tuesday, going to uni on Wednesday to see if and when I can resume my studies (it feels weird that I want to go back when I was quite prepared to fucking die a few months ago). Then on Thursday I have a long assessment meeting. Fun.

So...I'm being fucked about.

Someone from HTT and/or EIS conveniently forgot to pass on my medication details to my GP. So of course when it came to me filling in my repeat prescription, the doctor looked at my notes and wondered wtf I was going on about. They've only got the details of me being on 5mg of arirpiprazole.

Now, I handed in my RPx leaving enough tablets for about 3 days before it would run out. But the GP is still trying to get it organised by contacting EIS to ask what meds I should be on. My meds ran out today!

So I'm hoping it'll get sorted tomorrow. I don't really fancy having yet another relapse. C'mon now.

If I'm not allowed back into uni to finish my remaining 6 months and/or I'm unable to even finish it anyway...

I guess I don't mind being crazy as long as it doesn't interfere with my day to day activities of trying to live a fucking life.

BTW, I've applied for DLA (disability living allowance). This is the last thing I want to do, but considering I don't get paid while off sick at uni, and I'm not entitled to Jobseekers allowance or even employment and support allowance, this is my last chance of getting SOME SORT OF HELP from the state.


I'm not hyper, I promise.