I am aware

that people can and do care for each other. But what I can't work out is if people care for me or are just doing what is morally right by keeping me alive and making me suffer.

Do people care? I hope so but I can't be sure. Why?

Why do I find it so hard to trust people to help me if I need it? Why don't I ever ask for help? Why?

Oh it's streaming down your face, you poor girl.

Am I nice? I don't know.

Take it this way - I am willing to help someone out of love. Compassion. Sympathy. Empathy. So I guess I am nice. But I can't bring myself to believe it.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

You gentle flower. Poor you. But really? Get a grip. Stupid bitch.

Oh my gosh you're so self-critical. Are you the most messed up person in the world? Not crazy enough to kill, but crazy enough to be weird? Be abnormal. I just want to be normal. Please. Please. Make it stop, oh my make it stop.

Make it stop. Oh the tears, the tears. Get a tissue you poor love.

Thank you. Be nice to me please. Don't breakdown, don't ever do that. You're a good person and I love you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Erase the mind and you will be fine.

Erase the mind and you will be fine.

You love me, thank you. Do you love me as a person?

Yes. No doubt.

Oh my! Thank you. Tears streaming down your face, you poor girl. How do you cope?

I don't. Fuck this eternal haywire. Streaming down your face, you poor girl. Aargh, you complete weirdo. But I love you. Right.

Don't make it sound superficial. Don't say it because you have to. Don't say it because you want to. Say it because you mean it.

Oh my. Please mean it. I beg. Do people have to beg for love? I hope not. How sad.

You're sad. And not in a derogatory sense (well done, you spelt that correctly on your first try. You're good at something. Yes!). You're crying and tearful and disturbed. Yes?

you're broken

You will never be alright, never be okay. You will forever live in downtrodden dismay and despair. You know it will happen. I'm sorry to say it but it's true.

Have they dried up? The tears? Good. Well done. Don't be a stupid bitch and start that all over again.

And again.

And

Again.