So I forgot to mention the other day...

when I saw my CC, I was quite distressed. And anyway, while she was talking to me I heard a door slam outside almost like someone was angry, and I suddenly thought 'They're angry at me'.

Now, I know that is impossible - how could someone slam the door because of me when I've been in the same room with someone else for the past half an hour? But I felt so guilty and ashamed almost, that I had caused that door to be slammed like that. Mad, right?

I still feel hungry.

Why is that? I've eaten today already and yet...I wanna eat more. Greedy cow.

Ugh here we go again, I swear this negative part of me is becoming louder and is so harsh.

Bitch. I want you to fuck off.

I don't understand what it is. Is it me? Is it someone else? I think it's me, but in a split sense. I won't say split personality because I don't believe that is me, but it's certainly and definitely something.

And I weighed myself today at those scales you find in chemists - 14st 4lbs / 90.7kg. When I was in hospital in Luton this year I was 77kg. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I guess I don't mind being crazy as long as it doesn't interfere with my day to day activities of trying to live a fucking life.

BTW, I've applied for DLA (disability living allowance). This is the last thing I want to do, but considering I don't get paid while off sick at uni, and I'm not entitled to Jobseekers allowance or even employment and support allowance, this is my last chance of getting SOME SORT OF HELP from the state.


I'm not hyper, I promise.

Mad girl

Just leaving this here...