Huh, I thought I last wrote on here a few months ago. Never mind. I just realised: now that my placement is officially finished, I have practically nothing to do to occupy my time. I am kinda back to square one i.e: end of last year/beginning of this year when I was only in uni once or twice a week and had no other activities planned. I was totally oblivious to how much time placement took up. And now I have to wait and see if my late assignment submission will be accepted. I don't believe it will be. And now I'm thinking of what I'll be doing this time next year. Will I be working or be in a really bad shape?

Already I can feel something happening to me. I don't feel 'with it'. I kinda feel numb and not bothered by things, more so than usual. And I'm sure it will only get worse; with no real incentive or reason to go outside regularly for at least the next few weeks, I'm going to stay up later and later, making my sleep patterns fucked and my mood all slippery.

I might ask if I can be prescribed aripiprazole again. I can feel a storm brewing. And even if everything 'goes well' with uni, who's to say my life will be happily ever after? I have tried to die on two occasions, and people usually say 'third time lucky'. But I can't think of a suitable way to die. I am not going down the paracetamol route again, and even if I had access to a gun I wouldn't use it. But it's not only that; there's people around me who would not want me to die. So...I have to hang on. Begrudgingly.

I haven't got active plans, btw. It's just been circling around my head for weeks, maybe months. As a kind of 'Plan B'.

Never mind.