So yeah. No big deal. Having said that, I'm feeling good today. I feel like I'm ready to go back to university when I'm able to.
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
Saturday, 6 August 2011
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
effects of zopiclone
Once you start feeling the metallic aftertaste in the back of your throat having taken zopiclone, then the drowsyness kicks in.
Possibly followed by messy co-ordination, especially if you're typing an you eyes are going hazy.
Maybe there'll be a phase of amnesia.
Then sleep.
Possibly followed by messy co-ordination, especially if you're typing an you eyes are going hazy.
Maybe there'll be a phase of amnesia.
Then sleep.
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
EIP/CMHT/HTT and now PACT *cough*bullshit*cough*
Today I had a joint assessment with Early Intervention in Psychosis (EIP) and CMHT to see where my care co-ordinator will be allocated from. HTT (Home Treatment Team) seem to think I should go to EIP because I've had 'pre-domal psychotic symptoms' such as giggling while talking about my overdose (yeah that was a bit weird; I can barely remember doing that), withdrawing, avoiding eye contact, going mute etc etc. But EIP (and myself) think I should go to CMHT as they think my symptoms are more affective and to do with mood disorders rather than anything psychotic.
To be honest I'm not bothered either way. As long as I get the support I need, then I don't care. Having said that, I don't believe I've experienced any psychotic episodes/symptoms etc. It all comes down to the individual who's assessing me and what my presentation is like on the day, but I think I'm more of a neurotic than a psychotic individual.
In other news, my Home Treatment Team have now been rebranded as Psychiatric Acute Community Team also known as PACT. The most ridiculous name I've ever heard. So pretentious it hurts. And they're now 9-5, so if someone is in a crisis they'll have to go to A&E. Whoopee!
To be honest I'm not bothered either way. As long as I get the support I need, then I don't care. Having said that, I don't believe I've experienced any psychotic episodes/symptoms etc. It all comes down to the individual who's assessing me and what my presentation is like on the day, but I think I'm more of a neurotic than a psychotic individual.
In other news, my Home Treatment Team have now been rebranded as Psychiatric Acute Community Team also known as PACT. The most ridiculous name I've ever heard. So pretentious it hurts. And they're now 9-5, so if someone is in a crisis they'll have to go to A&E. Whoopee!
Monday, 1 August 2011
I may be getting obsessed with Harry Potter.
The sorting hat says that I belong in Hufflepuff!
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."
Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.
Get Sorted Now!
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."
Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Diggory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament.
Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.
Get Sorted Now!
Sunday, 31 July 2011
Eating.
I think the increase in sertraline is kicking in because my appetite has gone through the roof. I can’t stop wanting to eat, even when I know I’ve eaten enough. This is crazy. I know I can exercise but it’s hard to exercise (I want to skip) when you live in a first floor flat. And I’d feel uncomfortable skipping at crisis house with the potential for other residents seeing me.
What the fuck am I meant to do? Either I keep taking the meds and have positive mental health or reduce them/stop taking them/take a different anti-depressant and risk feeling like shit again.
Oooh mental illness, you are a c*nt.
What the fuck am I meant to do? Either I keep taking the meds and have positive mental health or reduce them/stop taking them/take a different anti-depressant and risk feeling like shit again.
Oooh mental illness, you are a c*nt.
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Thursday, 28 July 2011
I am not schizoaffective.
Can I just say I disagree with my diagnosis. The doctor is coming in about 6 hours, and I want to ask her exactly what makes her think I have schizoaffective disorder. I haven't had any psychotic....oh wait I have.
Seriously, I just remembered on the day I got sectioned and restrained last year I had a delusionary thought that my mum and the staff (one staff in particular) were up to something. My mum had come to visit me as usual and she did something she never usually did. She told me to take care of myself. And a staff member was there and said "We'll look after" and smiled. He later had to restrain me with about 1 or 2 other male members of staff.
Being restrained is not fun. I didn't get the opportunity to be debriefed over what happened, which created some resentment initally. I still feel angry towards having been tranquillised, as I was calm until the manager told me off for sitting on the desk/barrier near the nurse's office. At least I took the haloperidol orally and didn't have to suffer the humilation of being given an IM in my arse in front of everyone.
But I digress. That was only one episode. So does that make this diagnosis valid? Cos I don't have any psychotic/delusionary features when I'm well. I know it may not seem important to most people, but I want to know who I am. Having a label atually helps sometimes. It gives me a sense of knowing what's wrong with me, why I may act in a particular way and so on.
Am I in denial? No. I refute the fact that I have a 'psychosis-based' diagnosis.
Seriously, I just remembered on the day I got sectioned and restrained last year I had a delusionary thought that my mum and the staff (one staff in particular) were up to something. My mum had come to visit me as usual and she did something she never usually did. She told me to take care of myself. And a staff member was there and said "We'll look after" and smiled. He later had to restrain me with about 1 or 2 other male members of staff.
Being restrained is not fun. I didn't get the opportunity to be debriefed over what happened, which created some resentment initally. I still feel angry towards having been tranquillised, as I was calm until the manager told me off for sitting on the desk/barrier near the nurse's office. At least I took the haloperidol orally and didn't have to suffer the humilation of being given an IM in my arse in front of everyone.
But I digress. That was only one episode. So does that make this diagnosis valid? Cos I don't have any psychotic/delusionary features when I'm well. I know it may not seem important to most people, but I want to know who I am. Having a label atually helps sometimes. It gives me a sense of knowing what's wrong with me, why I may act in a particular way and so on.
Am I in denial? No. I refute the fact that I have a 'psychosis-based' diagnosis.
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
2 overdoses and a weekend away in Malta
The above statement/title is not entirely true. I have had two suicide attempts but have never been to Malta.
So my modus operandi seems to be paracetamol. As a teenager I took about 9 or 10 tablets. I was intending to take more, but I'd crushed them for some reason.
At the age of 22, a mere few months ago, I took another overdose. A big one. Approximately 40 tablets/20mg of paracetamol with some ibuprofen & asprin, requiring an IV drip of n-acetylcysteine and some projectile vomiting. Both overdoses were with the intent to die.
There's a checklist or something on suicide intent. This isn't the one I was thinking of, but it'll do:
I ticked all the boxes on both occassions. So yeah.
So my modus operandi seems to be paracetamol. As a teenager I took about 9 or 10 tablets. I was intending to take more, but I'd crushed them for some reason.
At the age of 22, a mere few months ago, I took another overdose. A big one. Approximately 40 tablets/20mg of paracetamol with some ibuprofen & asprin, requiring an IV drip of n-acetylcysteine and some projectile vomiting. Both overdoses were with the intent to die.
There's a checklist or something on suicide intent. This isn't the one I was thinking of, but it'll do:
I ticked all the boxes on both occassions. So yeah.
Friday, 22 July 2011
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Happy pills
A sexy line-up of pills, featuring from l-r: 100mg sertraline, 10mg arirpiprazole and 50mg sertraline.
Cakey
Made Lemon Drizzle cake at Crisis House today. Thought it was gonna end up shit because it started to overflow in the tin and drip down into the oven, but it looks okay. Can't taste it though, it's got eggs, and I dislike 'em.
Started thinking negatively when that happened as well. I tried to counteract these thoughts; I almost wanted to bang my head against the wall. I'm too much of a perfectionist.
Started thinking negatively when that happened as well. I tried to counteract these thoughts; I almost wanted to bang my head against the wall. I'm too much of a perfectionist.
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